Lessons I Keep Relearning

There are a few lessons I keep learning again and again. No matter how many times I argue myself out of the following truths, they don’t become any less true. I may as well just stop trying. It’s time to face the facts.

1. Procrastination is not worth it.

The truth is, I really do relax better for 25 minutes if I clear the counters first, than if I sit and rest for 30 minutes with them dirty. I write better the cleaner the house is. No matter how many times I convince myself that there’s no difference between a painted, plywood floor that hasn’t been mopped, and one that has, there is. Floors should be mopped.

The truth is, if I make that call I’m dreading today, instead of tomorrow, I won’t have to have it in the back of my mind anymore. If I make sure to pay all of my bills on time, I will be rewarded. If I stay one step ahead of my to-do list, my life will run smoother and with less anxiety.

2. Self-control is worth it.

The truth is, no matter how good that sugary treat or second helping may taste, I’ll be happier in the long-run if I skip it. No matter how much I think it doesn’t matter to eat processed and unhealthy food substitutes, it does, and my body reacts to the difference. No matter how much I don’t feel like going to the gym, if I do make myself get there, I feel better when I leave.

The truth is, no matter how much better I think a drink will make me feel, or how much more fun it will help me to have, I will eventually regret it. No matter how much I wish I were as thin as once was again, my life depends on cocaine not being an option.

The truth is, no matter how much I think someone should hear and know what’s on my mind, sometimes it really is better to keep quiet. It doesn’t matter what conclusion I’ve come to, those around me might have lives more peaceful and happy, if I keep it to myself.

3. I am an alcoholic.

The truth is, no matter how much I wish I could drink like everyone else, I cannot. No matter how much I wish I could have one glass of wine and forget about the rest of the bottle for days, it will not happen. No matter how many excuses I come up with when entertaining the idea of drinking again someday, they are not true. No matter how much I think I’m better, no matter how much more mature or responsible or healed I tell myself I am, I am still an alcoholic.

4. Lying to anyone always backfires. This includes lying to myself.

The truth is, lying isn’t worth it, ever. No matter what I think I may gain, or what I think I may prevent, by telling a lie, it is never going to be worth it in the end. I will be anxious for a very long time, for no particularly good reason. No matter what I’m trying to avoid dealing with, lying to myself does more harm than good. No matter what the situation, if I am not able to see myself with brutal honesty, I will be stunted. There is no good reason lie to anyone, about anything, ever.

5. I am who I am, whether I (or you) like it or not.

The truth is, it doesn’t matter if I like me or not, I’m stuck with me. This does not mean that I am not responsible for my negative behavior or personality quirks. This is not a license to fail. I can (and should!) grow and change and evolve into a better version of myself. However, in that, I must understand I can never stop being me. I might as well learn to love me, because I’m sticking around.

The truth is, I’m probably always going to be too loud and boisterous for some people. I’m probably always going to have a habit of speaking my mind and there will probably always be people who are put off by this. I’m always going to be a little bit moody, a little bit off the ‘normal line’. You might as well learn to love me, if you plan on sticking around.

6. I don’t like having long hair.

Period.