Category Archives: Poetry & Lyrics

Irrelevant


folding into myself

searching for relevance

seeking the quiet

which is never found within

exhausted and spent

with nothing to show

no trophies of pleasure

no martyr of sacrifice

hollow with an echo

hello hello hello

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the look of success


I’m not going to do anything stupid.
Today.

It’s only that…

the beast that lives within seems to have awoken with voracious appetite
i want to devour all things deadly and destructive
to sicken myself to the point of normalcy
restless and impatient and rebelliously creative
i want to find the line just to cross it

I want to admit…

the payout is to great for the product
and i don’t want to eat another salad
i don’t want to redefine, re-identify, re-emerge
i’d like for this vacation to end
i’m bored without respite

I’ve met this mood before…

it’s marked every great fuck, fight and party i’ve had
and it’s hard to slow down without chemical aid

I will cling to truth…

however begrudgingly because it is all that saves
and if i’ve proven anything it’s that i know nothing

Today.
I haven’t done anything stupid.

Today…has been a Success.

who are you am i


who are you
inside my head
clawing out a space
like redecorating is somehow
your perogative

who are you
that sends me
plummeting full speed
from 60 to 0
without warning

i’m not standing for it anymore

who are you
with wicked laugh
and mocking smile
that whispers lies
and expects belief

who are you
that robs
and steals
and kills
and destroys

i’m not having any more of this

who are you
doesn’t really matter
in comparison
to who He is
and who I am in Him

who am i
bought at a price
covered in grace
promised hope and a future
undeserving

i am redeemed ruin and that is my beauty

like how to say goodbye


There are things I want to know.

Like, what’s it like to be loved for who I am
and not who you thought I would be…
or could be or should be or am going to become
and not for what I bring
that one thing you find lacking in yourself
Maguire was wrong baby, I ain’t gonna complete you.

Like, why do I listen to the echo of your voice
telling me how much more painful this really was for you
from where I’m standing it looks like only one of us made a change
and what lie am I believing
that keeps me coming back for more
A different face, name, disguise – you all end up the same.

There are things that I believe.
Now.

Like, it’s all really going to be okay
even if it ends up me alone
and, I’m really worth more than the price
you laid on my head.

Like, you didn’t give me much to live up to
and I’ve blown your expectations sky high
and someday
one day

I’ll stop caring to wonder if you’re still out there watching.
Until then…

…are you?

(originally written 7/1/09)

reflection


your flattery will never fill
the vacuous hole that is my ego
colossally futile
your words lose their taste
in rhythm with their sound
do not misunderstand!
without the reflection in your eyes
i simply disappear
your honeyed words the skeleton
on which I drape this self
if the power of your words is to ground me
than your living builds my wings
the convincing alive in your actions
don’t say – show
don’t show – do
a thousand romances live just inside your touch
igniting a flame destined to consume
why cremate when you can cultivate?
there is within me
the beauty of all that has ever been
or so i senselessly assume
i have seen such things
in Women before
(lovely to behold)
strongly courageous
softly feminine
sultry sweet
redemption scents their very breathwho stands
behind
beside
in front of them?look to your feet
what
who
lies beneath them?

(originally written 03/27/09)

31


31
folding my brother-in-laws faded khakis and boxer briefs
kissing children not my own and picking up their toys
it certainly isn’t what I expected
there will be no midnight hurrah
no glamour
no glitz

that era has ended

so what if I can’t remember last years party
at least I had good shoes
pictures don’t lie
and flannel pajamas can’t compare
can they?

31
and here I stand with nothing
not one thing to call my own
victorious over my past maybe
but that still leaves me naked
on a pile of ashes

waiting to trade them in for beauty

and oh, how the mighty fall
when the mirror is more haunting than even before
less sure now than I was then
at least a junkie knows where she belongs

31
bought at the price of blood perhaps
but a lemon from the word go
used goods
a discarded toy
remarked upon and forgotten

is safe worth the cost
of alone?

hello?

(originally written 02/21/09)